*The Novus Project
The “birds and the bees” can be an uncomfortable conversation - but it’s never been more important. Unfortunately in the digital age, even with your best intentions, it’s not a matter of if your child will see porn but when. The fantasy world of porn does not provide the crucial information children need to navigate a real-life sexual relationship.
As a trusted and loving parent, you’re a much better resource to answer your child’s questions about sex than the hardcore porn industry.
Check our ‘TIPS AND TOOLS’ provided by AMAZE.org to kick start the conversation.
Be the "sexpert".
If you don’t want pornography to be your child’s sexpert, then make sure you’re the person willing to answer your child’s questions.
Being the expert means honestly answering your child’s questions about where babies come from. And if you ever don’t know the answer to a question, you can always say, “That’s a great question. Let’s find out together.” Or “Let me find out for you.” If your children know you’re willing to answer these questions, they will keep coming back to you as a source of information they can trust.
Make it age appropriate.
If you’re wondering when to give the talk the answer is sooner than you think.
Introduce an open dialogue from the moment kids begin asking questions about their body. For example, when speaking to your toddler don’t use pet or cutesy names for penis or vulva. It gives your child the idea that it is not OK to talk about these body parts, and you want to make sure your children feel comfortable and not ashamed to talk with you if they have questions about their bodies.
If you’re the parent of an adolescent and haven’t had the conversation yet, you haven’t missed the boat! Start now and keep talking. As your child grows older, they will be faced with making decisions about sex and relationships and will need your guidance.
Address porn.
When your children begin to go online (initially with you by their side), you can tell them that while there is a lot of information online as well as fun things like games and videos, there is also content online that is not appropriate for children. Some of it is sexual, and it is not OK for kids to watch. It’s made-up or fantasy stuff that some adults watch.
Tell your children that they can come to you if they have questions about this or come across something that they have questions about.
Keep the conversation going.
People often talk about “giving the talk,” but the truth is these should be ongoing conversations.
The easiest way to keep these conversations going is to talk about issues as they come up in everyday life. If you hear about someone sexting or you see a scene on a show where a kid gets caught watching porn, ask your children what they think about the situation.
You may be nervous or embarrassed to talk about these issues. That’s OK. Be nervous, and talk about it anyway because your children are relying on you to provide guidance.
If you need more resources to begin or continue the conversation AMAZE.org can help. They provide detailed age‑appropriate information for parents. If you’re still having difficulty finding the right words, AMAZE.org also provides videos that parents and children can watch together on a range of sexual topics.
You are providing your child with the information they need and deserve about their bodies, relationships and sexuality. Share your pledge and help every parent do the same.
